Halloween

This evening I decided to take my niece and nephew Trick-or-Treat because their mother had to work in the afternoon until almost closing time at Walgreens. People started this event a quarter before four until almost seven in the night. I walked almost less than three hours and as of right now, my legs are aching more than ever. I am actually really tired while typing this long blog about the Halloween custom.

During the summer, my niece had told me consistently that she wanted to be a Witch for Halloween. On the other hand, my nephew was in love with Mario, so I told my sister to buy him a Mario costume. My nephew was wearing a Mario costume, meanwhile, my niece was wearing a long dark dress with purple veil surrounding the lower waist of the dress. This costume was consider to be a Witch. The only accessory she was missing was the witch hat, which I could not find anywhere around the house. This made me kind of disappointed because both children was wearing a jacket to keep the cold wind from haunting their body. This fact did not disappoint me because everyone we encountered knew who my nephew was from the hat he was wearing, but since we could not find the witch hat, nobody knew exactly who my niece was.

Before the event started, a week beforehand, I reminded my niece and nephew consistently that they must first say, "Trick or Treat," then after they had received the candy, say "Thank you." I guess it still take times, but I am still proud that they are sometimes able to say Thank You, though sometimes I say in replace for them. I remember what my niece said exactly to my nephew when he did not say Thank You, she yelled at him to say Thank you. Growing up, these two phrases were most remember by me when Trick or Treat came into session.

With only being four and two, it is sometimes confusing to know what house they should approached to received candy. At first they thought that it was any house that they approached, but I kept telling them that it was the house with the lit porch. Soon they got the hang of it, and this made me feel more easy and glad. And this continuous event happened until the struck of seven. I could not take both my niece and nephew, nor could my feet hang onto forty more minutes. Sometimes my niece and nephew were misbehaving that I had to pull them aside and tell them clearly, it was either Trick or Treat OR go home. This made them somewhat sad and disappointed, but I always end up taking them to get more candy.

It has always been a Halloween tradition for those little kids to dress up as someone who they have always wanted to. Also they had to know two certain phrases to show respect to those are willing to give candy to them. It is always known by regular trick-or-treaters that only houses whose porches were lit would only pass out candy. And certainly how long they would have to time to get all the candy they desired, which was more than two hours, less than three hours. The only thing I could not exactly do was carve a Jack-o-Lantern for the event. At least I know for sure, I would be able to have a good night sleep because both my mind, arms and legs are falling asleep. But though the pain aches, I still love Halloween and the creativity people provide for their Trick-or-Treaters.

Mid-Term Grades

Though I had a feeling that mid-term was in session, I also had a feeling of uncertainty until this weekend. My siblings announced aloud the grade they have received for a certain class. Though I had a feeling of annoyance, at the same time, I was also anxious to know what letter grade I have received for each of my classes. I decided to log onto my PRISM account through the UW-Sheboygan website, in order to check my mid-term grades. Out of all my four classes, my professor for CPS 110 had submitted my mid-term grade as a C-. 

My mid-term result for CPS 110 made me really disappointed because I was either hoping for the highest grade of an A, or the lowest grade of a B-. I stood blank at the screen, feeling really disappointed and angry, mumbling why I had not received a better grade letter. I kept asking myself over and over, and could not get the answer at the same moment. I sat on the green carpet of my house, staring straight into my white Toshiba laptop, wondering if thinking about how my progressed in the class could have affected my that letter grade.

Finally, when I came upon a conclusion, I was feeling more relieved and less stressful. I had concluded that CPS 110 was the only class I did not really gave full focus to. Unlike, History, Calculus, and English, I hardly have time to read the book assigned for the class. And I have not knowledge of any of my quizzes or exams, but only about my assignments that were grade electronically by the professor. And for those assignments, I received full points, making me feel confident about my grade letter. 

As of right now, I have made a log on how I what I have to improve, in order for my grade letter to raise to either a B or A. I have decided that on Tuesday, I will finally start giving myself more time to read the text. I decided not to choose Monday instead because I will have little time to spare, especially if I have to take my niece and nephew out to trick-or-treat. I will also be fully prepared for all my quizzes and exams in the class. And take on any extra-credit available and given to me by the professor of the classroom. I guess my mid-term grade can make me really wonder what I can do to improve my grade letter, and I am glad to know that I have received a C-. This will give me such an opportunity to improve my occupation as a student, and to stop procrastinating. 

" Best Friend(-Ship) Forever"

Is there a real meaning to "friendship?" Dictionary.com had stated three dictionary definition of friendship:

1. the sate of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

2. a friendly relation or intimacy

3. friendly feeling or disposition.

Since it is from the dictionary, many people suggested that it must be the right definition of friendship. But is the Dictionary always right about the definition of a word? The dictionary is not always accurate about the word friendship, not because I am doubting the Dictionary definition, but because I have experienced a bond call friendship. For example, if I don't understand the word, "Fieldwork" and look it up on Dictionary.com,  I would come to a conclusion that this definition must be accurately defining "Fieldwork." My whole life, until this semester, I have not yet experienced the area of a fieldwork. But if I start being involved in the area of fieldwork more and more, very soon, I may come up with my own definition of a fieldwork, such as I found a better meaning of friendship.

People usually say this phrase to me when I ask them about their definition of friendship, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." I had first fully agreed with this phrase until it did not seem so true anymore. Since today, I only have one true friend, Pa Kou Vang, who is currently studying fashion in Milwaukee. We depend on one another when the times of our life is reaching the climax of a problem, but since I started college a semester before her, and we had different dreams, the chances of seeing one another was slim. I bring up her, because even though we do not have a chance to sit down and talk to one another freely, we still communicate, whether it is on Facebook or through Blogging. Also, we helped one another until our life becomes easier and less complex. 

Unlike some friends I have had, they only depended on me, and I never had a chance to depend on them. I had a friend, who asked me consistently, "Would you give me a ride home?" And of course, as a friend, I would say "yes." But sooner and sooner, I felt that she was comfortable as one of friend because everything she asked for, she get it from me. For example, I sometimes would do her Math homework for her, let her cheat off my Exam papers in High School. I feel regretful for letting her cheat off my Exam papers because it would have been better if she failed the class. It may seem impossible to others, but every Lunch, I gave her a twenty dollar bill to buy what she desired to eat or drink. But this friendship comes to a close cut at the end of Freshmen year, I became sick and tired of her. I also worried because we were close friends in elementary school,  as we talk, play, and giggled with one another. As I think about the previous phrase, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." If I could use it to relate to this friend I had, it would be "A friend who is needy, must have a friend indeed."

I still have a friend, not a close friend, who always talks to me now and then about her problem, which most of the time is suicide. She makes me so angry because she believes that every word she says is right, which is wrong most of the time. Such as, "Killing yourself is the not the only way to escape from every problem in the world." When I tell her that she is not the only one hurting in this world, there are much more people who are hurting than her. She disagrees and says I don't know how it feels like to suffer from a serious car accident, then have the beginnings of hearing random voices, and feeling unwanted. If she gives time to think about those who are homeless, infected with incurable disease, at the poverty level, whose country is the territory of a battlefield, and the people who lost more than she had gain, then would she realized that there are some people who deserves the attention of others than her. It is not that I do not want to help her, but I think about positive comments and she turned it into a horrifying reply.

Early June, almost time for our High School graduation, she asked me if I could come to her graduation party, and June 5th was the day we graduated, also my mother's birthday. I told her I could not come, and she kept convincing me that I should and bring my mom over to celebrate my mother's birthday at her house. She does not understand how uncomfortable it is for a woman who have had her birthday celebrated with her children to celebrate her birthday in public for people she barely knows. In the end, I told her no, and it is not that I do not want to go, but after 2 p.m. when walking the bowl is over, my siblings and I are going to celebrate my mother's birthday. Instead of trying to understand where I am going, she tells me, if I don't come, she will slit her wrist. It convinced me that such a friend should not come closer and closer into my life, because I am afraid that in the end, she will blame me for everything she did to herself. This was the last conversation we ever really talk with one another.

It does not have to be me in particular, but anyone will feel uneasy to have a friend who is not trustworthy, loyal, or respectful. Ever since those type of "friends" came into my life, I started to wonder what the real meaning of friendship was. Was it someone who play and talk with me during my younger years? Was it someone who would talk about me behind my back? Would a friend be someone who uses me until I have got nothing left? Or someone who is so caught up in our friendship, that she is afraid that whatever she said may affect me in some ways, instead, she shows me that she is full of trust, respects my every word, and listen to me when I am in trouble. But not to be on the selfish side, I would also do the same for her or him. Now I am so caught up with my own meaning of a friend, that I feel I am picking them for how they treat me, not their personality. SELFISH!

A second Career

It was the end of second quarter of third grade when I finally decided what I desired to be when I grow older. I could just imagine myself always staring and looking into a computer 24/7. And then gasping as I wonder how perfect life would be if all my siblings became what they desired to be also, from a Pharmacist, Dentist, Lawyer,  Chiropractors, Computer Science, and Chef. Our life would be accomplished, but I never thought about new activities I would encounter as I became older. I knew the exact reasons why I wanted to become a Computer Science, my knowledge in Mathematics was better than most of my classmates in elementary school. And I always loved the computer that belong to me after I received straight A's in kindergarten. During my elementary school years, I thought I was always the best, as I think about it, I could have bullied many of my classmates. I guess my cockiness got the best of me because as I met a new friend in middle school, a second career came into interested.

In my previous blog, I wrote about how bad my English has been going so far. But I also noted that I wrote stories to sooth my mind and make my chest feel weightless. Even still today, I love writing incorrectly, only if I can write at my own pace. During my middle school year, I finished a story, and when I read it, I felt embarrassed when almost every line of my story had multiple grammar errors. Now, since I am a college student, it is harder for me to make time to write stories. I stopped writing in ninth grade because I could not just let out my expression through those simple first words. And I want those simple words to come alive.

As an ambitious woman, I want to receive my BA in English, and get a higher degree in Computer Science. A reason I would do this, because I want to feel happy for doing just one thing for a hobby I feel compassionate about. Growing up, I may be one of the child who have had a horrible childhood, but this has nothing to do with my parents. Everything that went well, fell upside down, when I finally open the door to others. That door shut again when I felt afraid people would not accept me for who I was. Always feeling down, writing was the only way to help me expressed how I feel, even if no one read it, because the paper or computer is reading for me.

Personal Experience gave me a right to write what I wished to write about, because there were times I was heartbroken, angry, and happy. During my High School years, crushes was always the best thing to do for a man who will never love you. I guess when they know, and it may caused heartbroken. Writing had help me overcome my fear of being heartbroken, as I wrote a letter to one of my crush in my journal. It made me feel powerful and happy to know that I will not accept him. It also help me overcome my times I was angry, especially when I broke up a BEST FRIEND FOREVER bond to acknowledge that a friend is really someone who is there when I need them to be. Not someone who uses me until I have nothing left.Happy, it is always a great time to write in the journal about happy memories that I will never want to forget. Half of my childhood memory had faded away, and when people ask me specific detail, my face is blank.

One of my friend says I have a creative mind, and told me to write it down on a piece of paper before I forget about it. Even right now as I am writing my blog, my head is bubbling up with many ideas of a new story. And I agree with her, I love my idealistic mind. Writing makes me excited about what I will write on a blank piece of paper, but disappointed when I do not reach the goal I wish to do so. I think continuously if I could get my BA in English, I then could feel more comfortable with my writings. I have always imagine people reading my stories in delight, and I would delightful if they read it too.

I am somewhat excited to write this blog this evening, it gave me a chance to express what I have kept inside for so long about writing. And many other people who wishes to read this blog, I hope they would see the positive side of writing and what it can bring to the table. Writing is not about long five pages essay, but more. Writing comes from beneath and if anyone would give writing a try, I am positively sure they will have the same feeling about writing as I do. To me, writing is a goal you must reached to see the real side the world has to bring, as it did for me. People may even wonder why I never talk with an adult or even my parents, it is just the feeling of weirdness when you are talking over and over, not knowing whether or not they can solve it. But adults had solve many of my major problems, such as bullying, a supportive environment to get me to the next level in life. I never had bad intentions, I just needed someone to talk to, and the papers had wait for fourteen long years, and I am glad it opened up. 

Subjects

What is your favorite subject, many people have asked me before while I was growing up. From just introducing myself in English and then in German, I have always told people I feel comfortable with the language of Mathematics. And then they would also asked me, "What is your least favorite subject?" I would answer English.

I am not biased towards the English language, but growing up, I never learned the structure of any plain English sentence. I grew up in America and has never even left the country itself. As an ESL student, I was treated fairly different, as someone dumb and could not speak or understand English. And when I thought about it, at the age of three I did speak and understand English fairly well than most ESL students. In Kindergarten, I remember being the first one who could accomplish reading any type of books in my hand. After the teacher thought I was too competence for ESL, I was transfers to a regular class in first grade, feeling like any regular students learning at a regular pace.

The teachers and school taught me how to spell words, which came in handy. They also taught me what noun and adjectives were. I never was too soft on adjectives as I was with noun. They taught noun so well, I remember noun defines a "person, place, thing, or idea." Teachers repeated the definition of nouns more than one hundreds time. And those were the three things I learn about English in my elementary school years.

And off I go to middle school, for the next three years, I learn nothing about English, but remember only how to compose poems. Even then, I did not know anything about the structure of a sentence. When we did have actually papers, I would have a conference with my teachers after each draft, but all they did was correct my grammar for me. After that, they told me to rewrite what they had and the paper would be fine. Another thing I learn in English classes were how to conduct research papers using MLA format and having a bibliography.

During my middle school years, I enjoyed writing stories that would soothed my mind and make me feel like a different person. This was a writing activity I did during my three years at Urban Middle School. But as a person who is quiet and shy, I never showed them to a teacher or distanced peer to edit it. Instead I gave it to friends, some would edit it for me while others just want to read them.

Finally, High School years came, the first two years I had to conduct many research papers. I usually received A's on my paper, making me feel good that my English is well and comfortable as others. But my view on my own English changed when I was a junior. I finally had a teacher who could say it straight to my face about what I needed to improve on. Luckily, she did not see me as a ESL/ELL students like many of my other teachers. I felt like she was not showing me any pity. She would not just plainly correct my paper for me, but point out what I had to correct on my own. She even told me what grade she would give me if it was not a draft, and when I heard the letter grade: D, my heart skipped a beat. At that moment of time, I knew for certain that I must learn how to write clearly in English.

In the end, my papers improved more, I became more in depths in my explanation in my papers, regardless if it is an anecdote, research, observation, or many different types of paper. Even now, I still do not know the structure of any English sentence. I feel dumb for admitting the truth, but I still cannot identify the subject of a sentence, my commas rules are not good. If anyone reads my blogs, they can tell that all my commas are in the wrong position and should know how it should be corrected. Until now, I still think should I have blame myself for not wanting to learn the English myself, or my teachers who pitied me and did not try to reached me with the English language.

Music

Music, everyone has a different definition for what "MUSIC" means to them. Music is a hobby to me, though I cannot play any instrument. It interests me to know how others can play the piano, guitar, and other instruments without having any flaws in their playing. Whenever people ask me what my favorite type of music is, I tell them it is country. But I am okay with any kind song, as long as they have a well generated beat and lyrics.

I am interested in any type of music, because as long as it pumps up the room and gives warmness, the song is okay with me. Most of the time, it is basically because I like the lyrics. For example, if anyone has ever heard the song 100 years sung by Five For Fighting. He sings about himself being 15, 22, 33, etc...until he reaches 99 years. This songs resembles how fast life can pass in a blink of an eye, now that I am 18 years old, I remember being 14 years, when I first start high school. Old friends, new friends, but as the time fades, most friends start to fade while others continue to become part of my life. It makes me wonder if life could be exactly as he describes in his song. I love the lyrics of this song, but I still have many others songs that represent an event of my life.

The beat of music tells everything about the song, making me imagine the impossible. How such instruments could arrange with one another. Sometimes I like the beat of the song because it is a singer I enjoy listening to. To me, maybe not to others, singers and bands have a relation with the beat of their songs, which also resembles the type of music they play. In general, one of my favorite singer is Taylor Swift, and I know right away it is her just because of the beginning beat of her songs. But beat does not matter much to me, if I adore the artists' song, I will always cherish it. For example, one of my long time favorite singer is Utada Hikaru. I stopped listening to her after eight grade, and just last year, I listened to her sing again. I have never change the thought of her songs, but cherished it more than ever now, regretting that I did not listen to it for three long years.

In all, music is my passion. It helps me through the times which I might be angry, bored, sad, happy, and many other more. I have asked my friends, who are somewhat way different than me, how they feel about music. Most of their answers is "they like to listen to music." Surprisingly, as a quiet girl in the school building, I did not want to insult them in any way. I never compliment and try to convince them about why and how they must to feel about music. Music means different to everyone as it is my passion because I enjoy listening to them, they show me a feeling of relief with their lyrics, the artists has always been someone I have cherished, and it helps me pass time.