1. the sate of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2. a friendly relation or intimacy
3. friendly feeling or disposition.
Since it is from the dictionary, many people suggested that it must be the right definition of friendship. But is the Dictionary always right about the definition of a word? The dictionary is not always accurate about the word friendship, not because I am doubting the Dictionary definition, but because I have experienced a bond call friendship. For example, if I don't understand the word, "Fieldwork" and look it up on Dictionary.com, I would come to a conclusion that this definition must be accurately defining "Fieldwork." My whole life, until this semester, I have not yet experienced the area of a fieldwork. But if I start being involved in the area of fieldwork more and more, very soon, I may come up with my own definition of a fieldwork, such as I found a better meaning of friendship.
People usually say this phrase to me when I ask them about their definition of friendship, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." I had first fully agreed with this phrase until it did not seem so true anymore. Since today, I only have one true friend, Pa Kou Vang, who is currently studying fashion in Milwaukee. We depend on one another when the times of our life is reaching the climax of a problem, but since I started college a semester before her, and we had different dreams, the chances of seeing one another was slim. I bring up her, because even though we do not have a chance to sit down and talk to one another freely, we still communicate, whether it is on Facebook or through Blogging. Also, we helped one another until our life becomes easier and less complex.
Unlike some friends I have had, they only depended on me, and I never had a chance to depend on them. I had a friend, who asked me consistently, "Would you give me a ride home?" And of course, as a friend, I would say "yes." But sooner and sooner, I felt that she was comfortable as one of friend because everything she asked for, she get it from me. For example, I sometimes would do her Math homework for her, let her cheat off my Exam papers in High School. I feel regretful for letting her cheat off my Exam papers because it would have been better if she failed the class. It may seem impossible to others, but every Lunch, I gave her a twenty dollar bill to buy what she desired to eat or drink. But this friendship comes to a close cut at the end of Freshmen year, I became sick and tired of her. I also worried because we were close friends in elementary school, as we talk, play, and giggled with one another. As I think about the previous phrase, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." If I could use it to relate to this friend I had, it would be "A friend who is needy, must have a friend indeed."
I still have a friend, not a close friend, who always talks to me now and then about her problem, which most of the time is suicide. She makes me so angry because she believes that every word she says is right, which is wrong most of the time. Such as, "Killing yourself is the not the only way to escape from every problem in the world." When I tell her that she is not the only one hurting in this world, there are much more people who are hurting than her. She disagrees and says I don't know how it feels like to suffer from a serious car accident, then have the beginnings of hearing random voices, and feeling unwanted. If she gives time to think about those who are homeless, infected with incurable disease, at the poverty level, whose country is the territory of a battlefield, and the people who lost more than she had gain, then would she realized that there are some people who deserves the attention of others than her. It is not that I do not want to help her, but I think about positive comments and she turned it into a horrifying reply.
Early June, almost time for our High School graduation, she asked me if I could come to her graduation party, and June 5th was the day we graduated, also my mother's birthday. I told her I could not come, and she kept convincing me that I should and bring my mom over to celebrate my mother's birthday at her house. She does not understand how uncomfortable it is for a woman who have had her birthday celebrated with her children to celebrate her birthday in public for people she barely knows. In the end, I told her no, and it is not that I do not want to go, but after 2 p.m. when walking the bowl is over, my siblings and I are going to celebrate my mother's birthday. Instead of trying to understand where I am going, she tells me, if I don't come, she will slit her wrist. It convinced me that such a friend should not come closer and closer into my life, because I am afraid that in the end, she will blame me for everything she did to herself. This was the last conversation we ever really talk with one another.
I still have a friend, not a close friend, who always talks to me now and then about her problem, which most of the time is suicide. She makes me so angry because she believes that every word she says is right, which is wrong most of the time. Such as, "Killing yourself is the not the only way to escape from every problem in the world." When I tell her that she is not the only one hurting in this world, there are much more people who are hurting than her. She disagrees and says I don't know how it feels like to suffer from a serious car accident, then have the beginnings of hearing random voices, and feeling unwanted. If she gives time to think about those who are homeless, infected with incurable disease, at the poverty level, whose country is the territory of a battlefield, and the people who lost more than she had gain, then would she realized that there are some people who deserves the attention of others than her. It is not that I do not want to help her, but I think about positive comments and she turned it into a horrifying reply.
Early June, almost time for our High School graduation, she asked me if I could come to her graduation party, and June 5th was the day we graduated, also my mother's birthday. I told her I could not come, and she kept convincing me that I should and bring my mom over to celebrate my mother's birthday at her house. She does not understand how uncomfortable it is for a woman who have had her birthday celebrated with her children to celebrate her birthday in public for people she barely knows. In the end, I told her no, and it is not that I do not want to go, but after 2 p.m. when walking the bowl is over, my siblings and I are going to celebrate my mother's birthday. Instead of trying to understand where I am going, she tells me, if I don't come, she will slit her wrist. It convinced me that such a friend should not come closer and closer into my life, because I am afraid that in the end, she will blame me for everything she did to herself. This was the last conversation we ever really talk with one another.
It does not have to be me in particular, but anyone will feel uneasy to have a friend who is not trustworthy, loyal, or respectful. Ever since those type of "friends" came into my life, I started to wonder what the real meaning of friendship was. Was it someone who play and talk with me during my younger years? Was it someone who would talk about me behind my back? Would a friend be someone who uses me until I have got nothing left? Or someone who is so caught up in our friendship, that she is afraid that whatever she said may affect me in some ways, instead, she shows me that she is full of trust, respects my every word, and listen to me when I am in trouble. But not to be on the selfish side, I would also do the same for her or him. Now I am so caught up with my own meaning of a friend, that I feel I am picking them for how they treat me, not their personality. SELFISH!
PK
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