A second Career

It was the end of second quarter of third grade when I finally decided what I desired to be when I grow older. I could just imagine myself always staring and looking into a computer 24/7. And then gasping as I wonder how perfect life would be if all my siblings became what they desired to be also, from a Pharmacist, Dentist, Lawyer,  Chiropractors, Computer Science, and Chef. Our life would be accomplished, but I never thought about new activities I would encounter as I became older. I knew the exact reasons why I wanted to become a Computer Science, my knowledge in Mathematics was better than most of my classmates in elementary school. And I always loved the computer that belong to me after I received straight A's in kindergarten. During my elementary school years, I thought I was always the best, as I think about it, I could have bullied many of my classmates. I guess my cockiness got the best of me because as I met a new friend in middle school, a second career came into interested.

In my previous blog, I wrote about how bad my English has been going so far. But I also noted that I wrote stories to sooth my mind and make my chest feel weightless. Even still today, I love writing incorrectly, only if I can write at my own pace. During my middle school year, I finished a story, and when I read it, I felt embarrassed when almost every line of my story had multiple grammar errors. Now, since I am a college student, it is harder for me to make time to write stories. I stopped writing in ninth grade because I could not just let out my expression through those simple first words. And I want those simple words to come alive.

As an ambitious woman, I want to receive my BA in English, and get a higher degree in Computer Science. A reason I would do this, because I want to feel happy for doing just one thing for a hobby I feel compassionate about. Growing up, I may be one of the child who have had a horrible childhood, but this has nothing to do with my parents. Everything that went well, fell upside down, when I finally open the door to others. That door shut again when I felt afraid people would not accept me for who I was. Always feeling down, writing was the only way to help me expressed how I feel, even if no one read it, because the paper or computer is reading for me.

Personal Experience gave me a right to write what I wished to write about, because there were times I was heartbroken, angry, and happy. During my High School years, crushes was always the best thing to do for a man who will never love you. I guess when they know, and it may caused heartbroken. Writing had help me overcome my fear of being heartbroken, as I wrote a letter to one of my crush in my journal. It made me feel powerful and happy to know that I will not accept him. It also help me overcome my times I was angry, especially when I broke up a BEST FRIEND FOREVER bond to acknowledge that a friend is really someone who is there when I need them to be. Not someone who uses me until I have nothing left.Happy, it is always a great time to write in the journal about happy memories that I will never want to forget. Half of my childhood memory had faded away, and when people ask me specific detail, my face is blank.

One of my friend says I have a creative mind, and told me to write it down on a piece of paper before I forget about it. Even right now as I am writing my blog, my head is bubbling up with many ideas of a new story. And I agree with her, I love my idealistic mind. Writing makes me excited about what I will write on a blank piece of paper, but disappointed when I do not reach the goal I wish to do so. I think continuously if I could get my BA in English, I then could feel more comfortable with my writings. I have always imagine people reading my stories in delight, and I would delightful if they read it too.

I am somewhat excited to write this blog this evening, it gave me a chance to express what I have kept inside for so long about writing. And many other people who wishes to read this blog, I hope they would see the positive side of writing and what it can bring to the table. Writing is not about long five pages essay, but more. Writing comes from beneath and if anyone would give writing a try, I am positively sure they will have the same feeling about writing as I do. To me, writing is a goal you must reached to see the real side the world has to bring, as it did for me. People may even wonder why I never talk with an adult or even my parents, it is just the feeling of weirdness when you are talking over and over, not knowing whether or not they can solve it. But adults had solve many of my major problems, such as bullying, a supportive environment to get me to the next level in life. I never had bad intentions, I just needed someone to talk to, and the papers had wait for fourteen long years, and I am glad it opened up.